Dear Agony
by Vegeta26
Summary: As she goes to her destiny, Ridley reflects on her experiences since leaving Radiata.


Dear Agony

Disclaimer: I don't own Radiata Stories or any of the characters in the game; they are the property of the brilliant minds at Square Enix. I also don't own Breaking Benjamin, or any of their music.

Author's Note(s): Words in '...' indicate a thought. Words in "..." indicate spoken words. Words in **bold** are song lyrics, and words in _italics_ are a flashback. So, I just have a thing for music and games. I'm a pretty big Breaking Benjamin fan, and this song makes me think of Ridley. With that in mind, I wrote this story about Ridley's experiences on the Human Path and without Jack. I really hate to call it a songfic, because I don't like that term, so to me it's just a story with song lyrics in it. The song, _Dear Agony_, is the title track from the Breaking Benjamin album also called Dear Agony. I highly recommend both the song and the album

* * *

It was a cool, still night as Ridley Silverlake stepped onto the circular walkway of Gold Dragon Castle. The evening was cool, and the cloudless sky was blanketed with stars that illuminated the elaborate carvings of the tower that stretched in front of her. Finally, after months of tension and uncertainty, Ridley had come to meet her destiny. The young blond girl was very different from when she had left Radiata. The doubt and uneasiness that she had felt in the aftermath of the transpiritation had faded away, leaving a more confident girl in their wake. Her deep green eyes no longer averted the gazes of those around her, a new confidence born of understanding what was happening, and how she was connected to it. It was this same confidence that allowed her to hold her head high as she started up the path to the top of the tower and the fate that awaited her.

Ridley had made her way to the City of Flowers after leaving the Radiata Knights, where she had been grudgingly accepted. Lord Zane, the leader of the light elves, had taken an interest in her immediately, while the rest seemed to simply tolerate her. In the first days of her time in the City of Flowers, Ridley found herself second-guessing her decision to leave Radiata. Though the elf leader had taken an interest in her and talked to her about the transpiritation, she had not learned anything about what it meant for her. Her doubts came to a forced end when the elves attacked and took over Fort Helencia. Joining the other non-humans at the Fort had cemented her path, making her decision for her. Any doubts that she might have still had were finally put to rest when she spoke with Gawain Rothschild. The Lion of the West, former captain in the Radiata Knights, he was a powerful figure. Gawain had provided her with the answers she desired.

* * *

_"Receiving the transpiritation changed your destiny," Gawain said. "You have become the vessel for the Changeover of the Guardian Dragons."_

_"What does that mean," Ridley asked nervously._

_"When the world becomes imbalanced, it must be reset," Gawain continued. "The conflict between the humans and non-humans has disrupted the balance of the world to a serious degree. Three of the four elemental dragons have fallen, and war is imminent. This world is beyond saving. When that happens, the Guardian Dragons change places. The Silver Dragon and the Gold Dragon alternate as the world's guardian, and the vessel is the catalyst for the Changeover. When that happens, the world is reset."_

_"A catalyst to reset the world," Ridley mused softly. After a moment of thought, she spoke again. "Will I die? Will everyone?"_

_"Yes," Gawain replied. The young girl's demeanor shifted from meek confusion to crushing sadness. "You will allow the Gold Dragon to take physical form. The Silver Dragon will destroy all of humanity just before this takes place, and the Gold Dragon will take over."_

_"I'm going to…die. Everyone…will die," tears were forming in Ridley's eyes as she spoke. "I wanted…to make things better, I wanted to help."_

_"It may not seem like it now, but you are," Gawain's voice softened, and he put his arm on her shoulder. "But, you must understand what is going to happen. The human desire to dominate the world creates imbalance, and it will destroy the world if it is not kept in check. The elemental dragons exist for this purpose, but their failing means that the cosmic order is damaged beyond repair. If this exploitation is allowed to continue, it will destroy the entire world. Your destiny, and the light elf's destiny, is to save the world from this fate by acting as the vessel for the Changeover to occur."_

_"Hap and I," Ridley was still digesting all of the information that had been given to her. "There's no other way?"_

_"It is the only way for the world to survive," Gawain said levelly. "Nothing else has worked. Nothing else will work. You will not have to go through this alone. I will be by your side and see you to the end. And the light elf Hap will be with you as well."_

_"He will," Ridley considered. "Is Hap connected to this?"_

_"You were chosen as the vessel when your soul was fused with the light elf's," Gawain nodded._

_"Did Lord Noguiera know," Ridley asked. "When he performed the transpiritation, did he know what would happen?"_

_"It's impossible to say now," Gawain began. "But it seems unlikely. It's ironic; as elf and human engage each other on the battlefield, elf and human souls will save the world."_

_"Is…is it Hap's soul that is making me feel different," Ridley inquired. "Is Hap trying to control my body?"_

_"Your soul and the elf's soul are both contained within your body," said Gawain. "I do not know what will happen to you next, but you will have to discover for yourself."_

_"I think I already am," Ridley said softly. "I've had these strange sensations lately; as though someone else's emotions and impulses are affecting me. It's like someone else is trying to control my body."_

**I have nothing left to give  
I have found the perfect end  
You were made to make it hurt  
Disappear into the dirt  
Carry me to heaven's arms  
Light the way and let me go  
Take the time to take my breath  
I will end where I began**

**And I will find the enemy within  
Because I can feel it crawl beneath my skin**

* * *

Ridley took her first steps up the ramp of the tower, resolving once more to finish what had been started so many months ago. Her heart began beating faster as her steps rang out on the cold stone of the tower ramp. She had determined that she would be the vessel for the Gold Dragon, but the weight of that decision hadn't been immediately apparent. Now, her feet seemed weighted down as she began to trudge toward the end that was waiting for her at the top of the tower. Even as the beautifully carved walls of the tower passed by her, she caught herself hoping that there might be some way to avoid becoming a sacrifice. As this day had inched closer, she had grown more and more frightened about her fate. That fear had faded along with her optimism about preventing the end of the world, and she had resigned herself to the destiny she had been given.

Hap, the light elf, was also scared. As time wore on, she had become more comfortable with the other being inside of her body. She had come to understand and communicate with the elf, and found him to be very similar to her. Both were troubled by the state of affairs between humans and non-humans, and wanted to do something to help. Hap had accepted their dual destiny just as Ridley had, but he was not as brave as she. The elf was frightened by death, and was becoming less certain of their purpose as the time of the Changeover drew ever closer. Even as they continued to climb, he implored her again to consider the necessity of the Changeover, and whether the world was really beyond saving. Ridley's measured steps continued toward the top, not allowing herself to listen to his words; she knew that the time for the Changeover had come, and Hap did too.

**Dear Agony  
Just let go of me  
Suffer slowly  
Is this the way it's got to be?  
Dear Agony**

* * *

_Ridley sank to one knee, steadying herself against the haft of her axe. The ambush had come out of nowhere, a group of guardsmen and knights from Radiata Castle. She and the three dark elves that were with her had fought fiercely against these more skilled opponents, trying to hold their own. They were outnumbered and beset from all sides, and the elves were in danger of being overcome. With a few exceptions, dark elves were not trained extensively as warriors, and the modest skills of her companions were being put to the test now. They had been patrolling the Nowem Region periodically to ensure that the Radiata Knights did not attempt to attack Fort Helencia from both sides, but had never encountered any opposition before. The shock of being attacked in the elf territory had given the Knights the immediate edge, but she was ready to counterattack. Forcing herself to her feet, she charged forward to attack._

_The blaze axe lashed out, moving quickly in a broad, sweeping motion. Her axe skills had improved considerably since her time in the Rose Cochon, and she was now a capable warrior. Men fell all around her as she tried to rally the elves. The dark elves' magic was helping them stay in the battle, but their enemies were coming at them rapidly, and keeping up was becoming too much for them. She froze for a moment as a knight's blade cut down a dark elf in front of her. In that moment of indecision, she was struck by another knight and knocked to the ground. Darkness formed at the corners of her eyes, and her vision blurred. Trying to rise quickly, Ridley fell to the ground again. Nearly unconscious, her vision was obscured again by blackness as she struggled not to fall. Just as her collapse seemed unavoidable, the young girl forced her eyes open._

_Defeat in the Nowem Region would doom the efforts of the non-humans. Without her, the Changeover could not occur. Without her, the world itself was doomed. Ignoring the pain that was working through her body, she tightened her grip on the axe haft, and forced herself to stand. When she had risen to her feet, she saw that the other two dark elves had been slain as well. She was alone, facing four knights from Radiata. The warriors started toward her, and she was momentarily unsure of what to do. It was Hap's voice inside her head that made up her mind._

_"So, this is the violence and recklessness of humans," Hap's voice seemed to simultaneously convey curiosity and fear._

_"Yes," Ridley replied. "These are the Royal Radiata Knights."_

_"I see. I know now why Lord Zane is so opposed to them," the elf sounded thoughtful. "You used to be one of them, didn't you?"_

_"I…yes, I was," Ridley's voice was weak, and she was embarrassed as she thought of herself in her Knight Captain's uniform. "Not like them, though."_

_Ridley planted her feet as the knights drew close, and struck quickly. A quick strike from her axe shaft pushed back the first warrior, and she spun to continue the attack. The second attack struck from left to right and she moved again. Gritting her teeth, the girl continued attacking her enemies. Ridley was unrelenting as she hammered into the knights, seeing each one as a representative of the system of hypocrisy that the Radiata Knights represented. Everything about them represented a system that she was irrevocably linked to, and one that she hated. After everything she had witnessed while serving as a Knight Captain, and seeing it through the eyes of an elf, she wanted nothing to do with it. She was brutally efficient as she finished off the attackers, and she was shaking as she surveyed the battlefield. The knights had eliminated the dark elves, and she had destroyed the knights. Forcing her legs to move, Ridley began to move toward the Forest Metropolis. She would need to report what had happened, and make sure that a stronger force returned to secure the border between the Nowem and Tria Regions. As the leaves fell around her, the girl who became the vessel had a single image burned into her mind: Ridley Silverlake the Knight Captain._

_"I'm not like them," she whispered to herself. "I'm not."_

**Suddenly  
The lights go out  
Let forever  
Drag me down  
I will fight for one last breath  
I will fight until the end**

**And I will find the enemy within  
Because I can feel it crawl beneath my skin**

* * *

Ridley's deliberate, measured pace continued to take her closer to the pinnacle of the tower. Her hatred for the Radiata Knights had eventually abated, replaced by an understanding that it was human nature that led to the state of affairs that necessitated the Changeover. It was no one's fault, it just happened that way. However, that realization seemed much worse. If things were simple, then the people in Radiata would listen to reason and maintain the cosmic order. Or, it would be possible to wage a war to restore that balance. Instead, human nature led the people of Radiata to disrupt the balance of power, and the war only further destroyed that balance. Her duty as the vessel was to set the world right. She had spent many hours thinking about the cosmic order and her role as the vessel. Ridley had given up long ago on the notion of escaping her destiny, knowing that the system could not be fixed as it was.

Though she had initially accepted her role as the vessel, Ridley had begun to wonder early on whether there was anything she could do to bring balance to the cosmic order. After seeing the suffering of the non-human races firsthand, she knew that she had to fulfill her duty to help reset the world. Now, weeks later, the young girl was almost anxious for the Changeover. She had been physically and emotionally drained by her experiences since leaving the Castle, and was ready to be free of the burden that she had carried since the transpiritation. The knowledge of her impending death as the catalyst for change had weighed heavily upon her, and she had dealt for weeks with the looming experience of the Changeover. Her sense of the cosmic order had grown in the previous weeks, and she had felt the time of the reset coming closer; she did not know when the time would come, but she knew that it was coming. Ridley had been troubled by the realization that she didn't even know what would happen to her when she reached the apex of the tower, but she had given up that trivial fear almost immediately. She knew what would happen when she got there, and little else mattered. However, all of the logical reasoning she could muster had failed to remove from her the last remnants of her hope. As she moved toward the inevitable end at the top of the tower, she couldn't help hoping that it could somehow be avoided.

**Dear Agony  
Just let go of me  
Suffer slowly  
Is this the way it's got to be?  
Don't bury me  
Faceless enemy  
I'm so sorry  
Is this the way it's gotta be?  
Dear Agony**

* * *

_"I'm going alone from here," Ridley said simply. The sun was coming up in the Dysett Region, and the temperature was already beginning to rise. The wind whipped sand around as she spoke._

_"You're sure this is what you want to do," Gawain Rothschild, her self-appointed protector, asked in a concerned tone. "I'm wiling to go with you to the end."_

_"No, I have to do this myself," Ridley replied. "You've done more than I could have ever asked for, and I wouldn't be here without you."_

_"I've come with you this far, and I want to see you to the end," Gawain continued. "I can…"_

_"No," Ridley said firmly. Her intensity was evident as her green eyes locked with his reddish-brown ones. "From here, I have to go alone. It's my destiny, and I'm going to fulfill it on my own."_

_"But I," Gawain sounded indignant as he began to speak. After a moment's pause, he continued in a somewhat defeated tone. "As you wish. I will stay here until you have completed your task. None will pass while I draw breath. It has been a privilege to guide you here, Ridley Silverlake. You did not deserve to have this burden forced upon you, but you have done your duty with as much dedication as anyone could ask. I am sorry things had to be this way."_

_"Thank you," said Ridley. She smiled weakly as she continued to speak. "Not just for your words, but for all of your help and advice. I wouldn't be here without you."_

_Ridley turned on her heel and walked down the path on her own, not looking back. She had made up her mind soon after learning of her destiny that she would face it on her own. Walking with her head high, she strode confidently toward the City of White Nights. A sudden chill ran down her back as she walked toward the skeletal ruins of the structure. The City of White Nights rose in front of her, a crumbling, circular structure of pale limestone with rock paths of chalky dirt and dust that matched the structure. She shivered at the sudden drop in temperature, and gazed up at the center. At the top, she could see a tower rising toward the starlit sky. Ridley felt drawn toward the tower, and knew that it was where her destiny had brought her. The skyline had changed above her as soon as she had entered the City of White Nights. The warm, red sky of the Dysett Region had been replaced by a night sky full of stars. The darkness of the sky was a sudden, dramatic change that was punctuated by the light of countless stars. Wordlessly, she approached the first ladder and began her climb._

_It was immediately apparent that the climb would be difficult. The ladders of the structure stretched above her in a seemingly endless series of obstacles. The sense of attraction that she felt upon entering the City of White Nights guided her toward the tower at the top. She rose from one level to the next, taking a path that moved her toward her goal and avoided the dangerous pitfalls of the crumbling structure. Her body protested as she continued to climb, feeling weak and tired. The weeks of stress that she had endured were all coming back to her at the end. When she finally reached the top, Ridley followed the stone steps through a tremendous pair of double doors and into the tower. The inside was plain, but regal. Her footsteps rang out on the smooth, white marble floor as she strode toward the staircase that led outside of the tower. When she stepped out, she found herself on a path that spiraled upward to the pinnacle of the tower._

_Sparing a single glance down, she saw the framework of the City of White Nights spread out beneath her. Unbidden, her thoughts went once more to Radiata. This time, however, she did not think of the hypocrisy of the knights or the arrogance of humankind; she thought of Jack Russell. Throughout her entire journey since leaving Radiata, she had been unable to remove him from her mind. Trained from an early age as a knight, Ridley had been taught to be self-sufficient and that her duty was most important. Though her training had been foremost in her mind on the night she left Radiata, Ridley had held onto the hope that Jack might come with her. Meeting him again when the knights attacked Fort Helencia had made her question her reasons for leaving, which terrified her. She had acted instinctively to save his life, but reminded herself of herself of her purpose as she forced herself away from him. Sneaking into Radiata to see Jack the night before coming to the City of White Knights had been Ridley's idea, one that Gawain had initially rejected. Feeling herself pulled toward the Changeover by the soul of the elf within her, Ridley had begun to cling to the happier memories of her time in Radiata; memories of Jack. Gawain had finally relented, and accompanied Ridley a chance to Radiata so she could see Jack again. Seeing him had been exactly the experience she expected. Masking the warmth and happiness she felt at seeing him again, Ridley had tried to make Jack understand what was happening, and what she was doing. Sadness had enveloped her as she tore herself away from Jack and followed Gawain to the End of the World._

_Ridley immediately stifled the thoughts of Jack that were forming in her mind. He had made his choice not to follow her, and she had to fulfill her destiny. Refusing to allow these thoughts to draw her back down, she tried to erase them from her mind. Images of Earth Valley's invasion replaced thoughts of her friend, reminding her that it was humans' failure to protect the cosmic order that was bringing the world to an end. The anger she felt building within her confirmed for the last time that she was doing the right thing by fulfilling her destiny Ridley felt a sense of finality in turning away from the scene below her, and facing the upward slope to the top. Focusing on the transgressions of humanity, she started forward. As the peak grew ever closer, even this anger was replaced by a growing sense of numbness and resignation. Finally, it was all going to come to an end. She stopped for a moment just before reaching the top of the tower and took a steadying breath. A cool wind arose suddenly, blowing her flowing golden hair in front of her face. Gently brushing her hair aside, Ridley Silverlake turned to face her destiny; all of her fears and anxiety were gone._

**Leave me alone  
God let me go  
I'm blue and cold  
Black sky will burn  
Love pull me down  
Hate lift me up  
Just turn around  
There's nothing left**

**Somewhere far beyond this world  
I feel nothing anymore**

* * *

When Ridley Silverlake reached the top of the Gold Dragon Castle, she found its namesake waiting patiently for her. Quasar, the Gold Dragon, was standing in the center of the dome at the top of the tower. The dragon was translucent, and his ephemeral form beckoned her forward. Ridley stared silently for a moment, eyes locked with her destiny. She fought down the panic that was welling up inside of her, the urge to get away. The dragon, and what he represented, immediately frightened her. She was not alone; Hap was panicking as well, made uncomfortable by the immediacy of the Changeover. The elf was afraid, and wanted to escape the City of White Nights. Instead, Ridley's resolve strengthened. Her back stiffened, and she remained rooted to the spot.

Finally, with considerable effort, she took a step toward the dragon. Memories swirled in her head as she approached, the same that she had been haunted by since leaving Radiata. It was too late, she knew, to change anything, but that would not make her thoughts go away. As she got closer to the dragon, her thoughts faded from her anger toward Radiata and the actions of humanity. She thought again of Jack Russell. Even at the end, she could not force him from her mind. With numbness beginning to wash over her, she wished that she could see him again. Ridley regretted that the war had divided the two of them, and wished that they could have been together during their struggles. She had seen in his eyes that he was torn as well; but neither of them could change their paths now. Though the numbness was taking away the aching in her body, it had not stopped her heart from aching at the end that she was approaching.

While she walked closer to the center of the dome, Ridley began to glow. A brilliant, golden light radiated from her, matching the dragon's color and intensity. As she approached, the dragon tilted his head to lock eyes with her. Quasar's rich, golden eyes enveloped Ridley, and she became entranced. Though a warm light seemed to emanate from her, she was feeling cold on the inside. Eyes locked, she walked methodically toward her destiny.

**Dear Agony**

**Just let go of me  
Suffer slowly  
Is this the way it's got to be?  
Don't bury me  
Faceless enemy  
I'm so sorry  
Is this the way it's gotta be?  
Dear Agony**

As she stepped into the center of the dome and the Changeover began, Ridley felt completely numb and thought only of her destiny.

**I feel nothing anymore**

* * *

Vegeta26: That's all for this installment. It's just something that I thought of when I heard the song. I hope you enjoyed the story, and that I'll hear from you via review. To those of you waiting on the sequel for _Sever All Ties_, I'm working on it. Until next time.


End file.
